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April Fool’s: 13 Chargers headlines that totally could never, ever happen

We like to have fun here.

Los Angeles Chargers v Houston Texans Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

Today is April 1st which means it’s International “Don’t get got!” Day, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.

It’s one of the worst days for the media as you just never quite know if that trusty source of information is deciding to get in on the fun of the holiday, or if they’re actually reporting on fact. I think most people want to think they’re immune to today’s traps, but I’ll tell you right now, you’re probably wrong.

Just ask NFL insider Ian Rapoport what he thinks about the holiday:

So today, we’re not going to be doing anything crazy, but we still want to have a bit of fun. Our Buffalo Bills sister site, Buffalo Ramblings, does an annual April Fool’s article where they list a bunch of insane and totally “unbelievable” headlines that couldn’t POSSIBLY be real.

I decided to take inspiration from that and roll out my own batch of totally unbelievable and totally “wouldn’t ever happen”-type headlines.

I hope you enjoy!

  • Chargers acquire four-time All-Pro and former NFL Defensive Player of the Year for a second and a sixth-round pick
  • Chargers allow their best linebacker to walk, Kyzir White signs one-year, $3 million deal with Eagles
  • Justin Herbert, one of two quarterbacks in 2021 to throw for 5,000+ yards, misses playoffs
  • Bolts allow league’s-worst rushing attack to romp for 190 yards in 41-29 loss
  • Justin Herbert completes six-straight passes on fourth downs to tie Raiders, fall in overtime
  • Oft-injured Justin Jackson jaunts for 162 total yards, two touchdowns in relief of Austin Ekeler
  • Justin Herbert throws 69th touchdown, sets record for most passing touchdowns through a player’s first two seasons
  • Chargers enter offseason with massive cap space, actually spend it on the right players
  • Chargers sign WR to $20 million per year after fans call his $15 million 2021 salary “too much”
  • Bolts move on from first-year special teams coordinator despite unit looking much-improved from years past
  • Justin Herbert manages to complete must-see 60-yard touchdown while getting rocked
  • Chargers score 26 points in fourth quarter to top Browns 47-42
  • Chargers forget how to tackle as Travis Kelce gallops untouched for 34-yard game-winning touchdown in OT