East Dillon Daily: 1x01 — “Pilot”

Before we get to today’s episode, I just want to highlight this comment on the introduction post to this series:

Some things to know about being a Charger Fan

1. Rethink your choice seriously

2. Set expectations low and you will never be upset

3. Get to know the training and medical staff. Multiple season shattering injuries to critical players are as guaranteed as death and taxes.

4. Rethink your choice seriously

5. Be prepared for the most creative ways to lose games, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory at least twice a season.

6. Expect multiple 5-11 and 7-9 seasons between playoff appearances

7. Welcome to the cheapest and gutless ownership in the league.

These are just a few of the many tips I have gleaned over my 35 years of Charger fandom. I’m sure you will be able to add a few favorites of your own after a short time. Welcome aboard!! Turning back now will not be a sign of weakness, but rather intelligence. Enjoy!!

Posted by EV37

Listen, numbers 1 — 5 sound a lot like what I would say to someone who was interested in becoming a Sharks fan, so it’s good to know I’m on somewhat familiar ground. The rest, though ... woof. I’m sorry, and also wow, what am I signing up for?

If you’ve got any more advice for me, let’s hear it in the comments below!

I’d also like to include a brief reminder that most of the country is in some kind of quarantine and there aren’t any sports on right now. Michael is killing it with news and analysis for y’all. This goofy project won’t take away from that, I promise. Let’s just try to have fun during a stressful time, yeah?

Oh, and no one asked, but the Rams new logo sucks.

So here we go.

1x01 — Pilot

What did I learn about football?

• Jason Street is the quarterback, which is a position nearly impossible to not have somehow osmosis-ed into your cultural knowledge as the “I’m hot shit” position. I also know this is an offensive position. Yeah, folks, that’s the level we’re starting at here. Also, my brother played high school football with someone named Jason Street, which is just a pretty strange coincidence.
• Saying you love someone “more than football,” is apparently actually a big deal and not just something printed on the $5.99 teeshirts in the disappointing women’s department of the sporting goods store I used to manage.
• Coach Taylor talking about height on the defense as a good thing is an exact conversation I’ve heard in hockey. You can’t teach size!
• These children think that Jason Street will be better than Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman and Peyton Manning. I know one of those names and can gather from context that’s a big claim. Are these guys considered more like the Gretzky of football or more like the Lemieux of football?
• I always forget how underpaid NHL players are in comparison to other sports.
• Tim Riggins is a fullback, also an offensive position.
• I mean, seriously, what is this?

• The names of plays? Also insane.
• Coach Taylor explaining how to read the play as simply as possible to Saracen feels like he’s speaking directly to me. “Throw it to our guys.” Solid, thank you, Coach Taylor.
• One game in and I still do not understand football’s game play. I’m trying, folks. We will get there.

What questions have now been raised for me about football?

• Why is the quarterback the “I’m hot shit” position?
• The reporters were asking extremely personal questions (like about a player’s mom and if Tim Riggins had been drinking) — is that, like, normal for high school football?
• I’m gonna try to leave seemingly obvious stuff out of here, like basic vocabulary and such (I will Google what I must on my own time), so sorry if this seems like one of those questions, however: Matt Saracen said he “holds extra points sometimes.” What does that mean? Look, I tried Google on this one first and got directed to the episode’s script, so I need some extra context.
• Saracen is obviously the back up quarterback, but Coach Taylor says, “Quarterback’s captain” to him and I cannot believe that would be the way that works. Is that seriously how that works?

Additional Thoughts

• Matt Saracen is the only character I think I care about right now.
• I would die for Connie Britton (but I already knew that).
• The “Mr. Street? Do you think God loves football?” / “I think everybody loves football.” exchange between a child and Jason Street both A.) called me out and B.) had me dying laughing, I’m so sorry.
• In hockey, you don’t step on the logo on the locker room floor. In football, you touch the filthy logo on the wall every time you leave the locker room.
• Watching sports injuries always sucks! Even the fake ones!
• I’ve actually been to a high school football game where a player had to be stretchered off the field. It’s so insanely scary and awful. Also had that experience several times as a hockey fan.
• Can also verify the tiniest bit of catharsis you feel in winning the game after an injury to a major player.
• Unless Texas in the mid-2000s was a completely different country, I’m not sure this is even an accurate representation of high school — and that’s how you know it’s gonna be a good show.
• However, someone recently said this pilot is one of the greatest in television history and I ... cannot agree. I’m sorry.