Well, doesn’t this look familiar? Another week in the books, another win for the Chargers. You would think that life would be good for a gambler addicted to Chargers-centric bets, right? No. Not by a mile.
Last time we tuned in to the Degenerate Gambler, he had lost pretty hard against the 49ers and looked to rebound with an equally easy-looking Raiders squad. He learned that he can’t trust the Chargers to cover the spread against inferior foes, so he went in an odd direction and bet on BOTH teams. Well, how did that work for him?
Our anti-hero took two Alt-Lines for over bets, both of which missed because the Raiders were a flaming mess. He felt good about betting on Derek Carr because, well, Carr wouldn’t have to worry about Joey Bosa. He also felt pretty confident about the Chargers getting 3.5+ touchdowns. Let’s see how all this worked for him.
Week 5 Raiders @ Chargers
Wager 1 Total Over Alt Line (54.5) $ 15 [+125] L $ (15.00)
Wager 2 Total Over Alt Line (57.5) $10 [+170] L $ (10.00)
- Wager 3 Melvin Gordon - Receiving (>49.5) $15 [-110] W $13.64
Wager 4 Derek Carr - Passing (>285.0) $25 [-115] L $ (25.00)
Wager 5 Touchdowns - Chargers (>3.5) $35 [+105] L $ (35.00)
Hey, does that number look familiar? That’s because that’s exactly what the Gambler took away from the 49ers game. Like, exactly. To the cent. Melvin Gordon pulled his weight, and the Chargers largely did their part, but that’s the risk of betting for both teams to be competent.
He really isn’t good at this. You should stop listening to him immediately if you have done so at all this year.
And yet, here we are! With over $140 owed to his debtors, the Degenerate Gambler has had to put on a fake identity to grab another juicy round of bets. Last we heard, he was going by the name Todd Debakus, but that could just be another mislead to try and save his kneecaps. Either way, this week will prove pivotal to the Gambler’s season and well-being.
The Chargers go up against a resurgent Browns team that has the entire league scratching their head. Are these Browns good? Are the Chargers an equally mystifying team?
You might have heard the expression that “The Browns are gonna Browns.” It implies that, well, I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining every detail. It’s a mantra that has stuck to the team like glue, and was further evidenced through their completely unsettling week 1 tie. Even in the absence of a win, the Browns Browned what could have been their finest hour away.
The Chargers have a similar dark cloud above them. They often find ways to ‘Charger.’ You’ll probably remember that the Chargers were the ONLY team that helped elevate the Browns in 2016 to a Win, keeping Cleveland from being the NFL’s only TWO CONSECUTIVE SEASON losers.
Despite the change of course, the Degenerate Gambler does not buy it. Not at all. The Browns are still a deeply flawed team. The Chargers have every advantage over Cleveland this week. And yet, the Chargers are the underdogs in this campaign! Music to a gambler’s ears!
Week 6 - Chargers @ Browns
- Wager 1 Chargers Moneyline $100 [+105]
That’s it. That’s all he needed to see. The Chargers are the stronger team, they are somehow underdogs to the losingest team of the decade, and the bookies are willing to throw on an extra $5 for what should be a straight-up bet.
Keep in mind, home field advantage is generally calculated at +3 points, so even Vegas agrees that the Chargers are the stronger team. However, for a team that is unfamiliar with home field advantages, FirstEnergy Stadium might be a bit of a mad zone for a fan base frenzied for a positive W/L record (funny enough, a minor league baseball team with that same stadium name comes first on Google rankings. That is so Browns).
Still, the allure of actually getting positive value for what should, at worst, be a 50/50 bet is too much for the Degenerate Gambler. He’s all in.
-Jason “Not the Kneecaps!” Michaels