Super Serious San Diego Chargers Power Rankings (Déjà Vu Edition)

These are my weekly Chargers Power Rankings. They should be taken very seriously.

Here are some good Chargers (from best to less best):

1) Déjà Vu (Last Week: Not Ranked). From French, literally “already seen,” is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has already been experienced in the past. (So, that about sums up Chargers vs. Colts on Sunday). … Guess what: Definitions are the best friend of lazy sports writers everywhere (and bloggers!) The real work here is finding the grave (rhymes with “mauve”) accent mark on the keyboard without Google help.

2) Philip Rivers (LW: 1). There are more good performances than bad performances from Rivers, but he’d like to forget the first half of that 26-22 defeat at Indy (which included a lost fumble and several missed throws). It’s a familiar ending for the Chargers, a team that is seemingly on a years-long journey of discovery toward new innovations in losing. Still, there was a feeling that Phil would’ve led a late, game-winning drive until Hunter Henry’s fumble.

3) Jatavis Brown (NR). There’s a lot of hope for this rookie from Akron, where he was the 2015 MAC Defensive Player of the Year and a three-time First-Team All-MAC pick. (Extra info: Akron was originally named the Zippers after popular rubber shoes from the 1920s, then shortened to Zips in 1950). … On Sunday, Brown had a key strip-sack, six tackles, and two passes defended. Now, he’ll be counted on to replace …

4) Manti Te’o (NR). Another key injury. Te’o caught a lot of flak on this site, some of it deserved, but it’s never been his fault Tom Telesco traded up for him. With his contract expiring this offseason, the Hawaii native may have played his last game as a Charger. He’ll be missed as the closest thing on this roster to a three-down linebacker.

5) Casey Hayward (NR). After two last week against Jacksonville, the Vanderbilt product now has three pickoffs in his first three games here. Interceptions are usually found at the corner of luck and opportunity, but previous Chargers defenders mostly found a way to slam into a light pole at that intersection. And run over a skunk. While taking out a fruit stand. You get the idea.

6) Travis Benjamin (LW: 8). Averaged 20.5 yards on four catches against the Colts. His versatility will be important as the season wears on, lining up all over and running a variety of routes. The early returns on Telesco’s offseason pickups are looking good (Benjamin, Hayward, Dwight Lowery, Brandon Mebane, Matt Slauson).

7) Second Quarters (NR). The Chargers have outscored opponents 41-3 in the second stanza this year.

8) Melvin Gordon (LW: 3). Nice to see him get a shot on passing downs (until Dexter McCluster is up to speed?) And now has three straight games with a rushing touchdown, which seemed unlikely to everyone except that guy who kept him in my 12-team fantasy keeper league.

9) Jim Mora Sr. (NR). Had a sweet rant on a New Orleans post-game show after the Saints’ Monday night loss. Asked if the season was over after an 0-3 start, his answer was, basically (in classic, high-pitched Mora voice), “NO! The season is NOT over! … They’ve got 13 games left to play. 13 GAMES! Jeez. That drives me crazy.” Good to see he’s still got it.

10) Drew Brees (NR). He might be coming for revenge this week, but he can’t do it alone. And not with a defense ranked second-to-last in the league in yards and points allowed.

Here are some bad Chargers (from worst to less worst):

1) Dean Spanos (Last Week: -1). There was a stadium debate at Voice of San Diego’s Politifest on Saturday. Three argued in favor, three against. Nary a Spanos was to be found (though team advisor Marcela Escobar-Eck was there to weigh in on land-use issues). When you propose the biggest bond offering in the history of the city, it’s probably a good idea to show up for public debates.

2) Mike McCoy (LW: -4). The last time a McCoy-led Chargers team won on the road against a team not named the Jaguars was at the 49ers on Dec. 20, 2014. Cherry-picked stats are fun!

3) Injuries (NR). This team is officially unlucky. What else is there to write? Through three weeks of the season, there are 14 players on Injured Reserve (plus Chris Watt on the PUP list). It’ll continue to be a hidden factor in every game.

4) Chris Hairston (NR). Not his best day filling in on the left side for King Dunlap. This offensive line really needs to stay … um, you know, not get … ah, forget it. Don’t think about that. Too much season remaining, right Jim Mora Sr.?

5) Hunter Henry (NR). There’ll be better days for the Arkansas product. One of those might need to be this Sunday, with Antonio Gates (possibly?) sidelined again.

6) Dexter McCoil (NR). At 6-foot-4, 220 pounds, his upside is one of those trendy, hybrid safeties in the mold of Seattle’s Kam Chancellor or Arizona’s Deone Bucannon. His downside was Sunday’s game-winning Colts touchdown.

7) Fourth Quarters (NR). The Chargers have been outscored by opponents 37-9 in the fourth stanza this year.

8) Joey Bosa (LW: -8). Missed games count: 3.

9) Playing the Refs (NR). Some bad calls went against the Chargers on Sunday, including the penalty on Rivers for unsportsmanlike conduct and the Indy field goal in the first quarter that cost the Chargers four points. … In general, penalties are the worst part of watching football. That awesome sports moment you just witnessed? Wiped out. There doesn’t need to be a new point of emphasis every season. Also: For every penalty added to the rule book, one needs to come out. That way Bill Belichick can screw over the Ravens again and John Harbaugh will throw a fit. Now that’s good football watching.

10) Taking Chargers in a weekly fantasy lineup (NR). Never do it. Never, ever do it. Even when Rivers is going against a flimsy-looking Colts secondary. Don’t do it.