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BFTB After Dark: July 15, 2013

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The story of a man eating a hat because he said he would, although this hat is made of cake.

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

I'll be honest: I was ready to eat a bite of a hat. I picked a time, date and location and invited everyone to come watch me do it.

You know who showed up to watch? Nobody. It ended up being myself, Jeff and Jeff's wife. That was it. Richard apparently came by but left because he couldn't find parking. I left it up to Jeff and Jeff's wife: Should I eat a bite of the hat, even though nobody showed up to the hat-eating event? "Of course not" was the response. "If they really cared about you eating it, they would've showed up to watch you eat it."

That was my defense. I was done. Yet, nobody was going to let it go. Apparently, even though the commenters were not willing to leave their mother's basements (easy joke), I was still required to eat a hat. This is when I decided to find a middle ground (and by "I decided", I of course mean "my fiancee decided for me and baked a cake").

That's Mike. He created the BFTB logo a million years ago, when it was still a wave. I used his tweet because I enjoyed him calling it "A.J. Smith's last gift to BFTB."

Anyway, I got through about a third of the hat and almost died. My breathing literally became short. I cursed the names of A.J. Smith and Dean Spanos. The plan is to repeat that process again tonight and see how much remains before I have to call 911. Then, I will finish the cake (probably with tears running down my face and a beer in my hand) during the first Gennaro-ly Speaking in a long time tomorrow night.

Sound good? Good.

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