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Digital Dolt, Issue #5: Game of Thrones Edition

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The Dolt is back, with boobies and dragons.

Andrea is fair, but no prude.
Andrea is fair, but no prude.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Here is your very special "Game of Thrones" edition of the Digital Dolt.

  1. Fair Maiden of the Week (self-explanatory)
  2. The Jorah Mormont (Derp)
  3. Roast Boar and Porridge (a review of Medieval Times)
  4. Mead and Ale


Fair Maiden of the Week: Andrea.

What a lovely lady. Definitely brings Shea to mind, you know, without the whole prostitution part. She's into extreme sports, bungee jumping, skiiing and skydiving. Also likes tiny bad-asses. More Andrea here, here, and here.

Sir Jorah

I just can't seem to stop getting exiled.

  • In true Mormont fashion Titus Young got arrested twice in one day - twice in 15 hours to be exact. Apparently breaking into the impound lot to find your ride is almost as good as drunk driving it around Moreno Valley. Titus Young has a name that was made for Game of Thrones, his sigil is a pair of silver handcuffs on a royal blue field.
  • 7th round pick Armonty Bryant also drank too much mead and recklessly drove his wagon around the Cleveland city walls looking for runaways and kidnapped teenagers. The Gold-Cloaks went easy on him because he was drunk, but performing a civic duty.
  • Jaime Lannister (Tom Brady) sees dead people. I guess that would make Belichick Tywin Lannister and that is a little too on the nose, amiright? Too bad they aren't playing/coaching for the Lions.
  • Casterly Rock will be rebuilt and named for a popular brand of pantaloons. The Loge sections will be 501-569. The Plaza sections will be Boot Cut-Relaxed Fit.
  • Mace Tyrell (Andy Reid) says that Brandon Albert shall be holding down the left flank of the Highgarden vangaurd if he remains in the Reach this Fall. The first overall draft pick also plays in that spot. Mace Tyrell is not good at selling things (see Margaery Tyrell).

Roast Boar and Porridge

Medieval Times, 7662 Beach Blvd, Buena Park, CA

Dinner at the Tourney will cost you half a Gold Dragon. Now, I am a highborn lad, accustomed to the finer things in life but even I have my limits. The wine is Dornish, but watered down. The ale tastes like something brewed from Crow's piss and desperation at the Wall, all ammonia and salt and almost no kick. The food is cooked. The games are bland, no one has ever died in the four tourneys I have attended there. It's not a Dothraki wedding.

Mead and Ale

Midas Touch, Dogfish Head Brewery, Delaware

Midas touch is a brew that was reverse engineered from casks found in the tombs of King Midas. Educated Maesters used sophisticated alchemy to determine the ingredients and concentrations of an ale-mead beverage found in the casks, which is remarkable, as King Midas ruled during the Age of Heroes (2700 years ago) when the old gods were the new gods and the 7 were not yet invented by men. The brew is sweet yet not overpoweringly so. It has a crisp finish, light body and a pleasant aroma. It is also very potent, the ABV is approximately 9%, somewhere in the range of Ser Dontos Hollard's BAC.