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NFL Draft: First Round Running Diary

I really don't like watching ESPN, so in order to keep me from beating my brains in I decided to jot down a Simmons-esque live journal.

Al Bello

This is the first year I'm paying for my own cable and thus it is the first year I don't have access to NFL Network, meaning I'm forced to watch ESPN for draft coverage. I really don't like watching ESPN, so in order to keep me from beating by brains in I decided to jot down a Simmons-esque live journal.

6:53 Suzy Kolber basically telling Geno Smith that when he slides she's going to be there covering every tear. Meanwhile, while Gruden is spouting off about Joeckel they're showing some really unimpressive tape. If I were the Chiefs, I'd pass on that too.
7:03 Berman introducing his co-hosts: "John won a Super Bowl, he's also in the Monday Night booth, HELLO [almost Uncle Leo style], Mel Kiper they.....well you were here, then they started the Draft, then we put it on TV." Self-awareness is the best awareness.
7:07 "That's Broadway Joe, and we're on Broadway!" Berman is going to be the death of me tonight.
7:10 Gruden blaming the Chiefs turnover woes on their right tackle situation and sticking up for the pu-pu platter that was Matt Cassel and Brady Quinn. He might be drunker than me at this point.
7:33 Kiper just went on a five minute rant about how if Russell Wilson wasn't a 3rd round pick, Matt Flynn would be a starting quarterback in Seattle. Brainsplosion.gif
7:35 The look on Gruden's face after the Dolphins traded up for Jordan will be shown until the end of time.
7:38 Dion Jordan just said it's his first time being drafted. Indeed.
7:40 The Raiders moved out of the top 10 for a second round pick. I guess that draft value chart is going to need to be updated.
7:45 Some lady I've never seen before spouted out some characteristics that Chip Kelly covets: "tall guys, athletic guys, speedy guys, guys with versatility."
7:48 Chris Berman's Lego analogy moved me. I'm locked in now.
7:51 Lions take Ansah, Berman: "From Ghana to Detroit...uh..that...uh..through BYU."
8:02 Schefter just said the Rams are trading up for "someone like Tavon Austin." No pick-tipping my ass.
8:20 "Well, we're into this thing over an hour...[undoes belt]" And Berman takes us to break after the Jets shake their WoodyJohnsons at Revis by taking Milliner.
8:26 This is the first time I've heard Gruden drop the "this guy is a football player" line. Small miracles.
8:30 First pick of the Telesco era, exciting stuff regardless of who it is.
8:31 Welcome DJ Fluker! We got a mean-on-the-field mountain of a man. Can't say I've seen a lot of those in a Chargers uniform. I can dig it.
8:47 Was really hoping the Jets would take Geno Smith just to watch Bristol burn itself to the ground.
8:59 HAHAHAHAHA Goodell walks out with a kid on crutches to announce the Saints pick. That'll protect you from boos.
9:10 I'm pretty sure the Steelers just draft the spawn of James Harrison and Lamarr Woodley.
9:26 You can tell Berman did the most prep for the Bears pick just so he could talk about the Canadian Football League. Dude, we get it, you watch the Grey Cup.
9:37 Schefter breaks for commercial with "Don't go anywhere, we're in Manti. Te'o. TERRITORY." What happened to you Schef? What happened?
9:43 Gruden standing up to Kiper during the Mathieu/Jenkins discussion was amazing. Kiper's final line was "One year does not a career make for Janoris Jenkins, let's see what he does..2 to 3 years." Just go home.
9:48 Friend who's a Vikings fan just told me if they take Te'o he's throwing his whiskey through the TV. This is why we have cellphone cameras.
10:08 They waited the perfect amount of time to bring back the "but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night" commercials. Surprised every time.
10:29 The Patriots traded the pick tabbed for the Boston Strong speech. Always trollin'.
10:32 My friend lives to see another day.
10:33 Twitter is exploding right now about drafting a player based on his "love of the game." Here's my take: These players play a game as a career. The people who love their career the most perform the best at it. I don't think there are many players in the NFL Hall of Fame that were daydreaming on Sundays. I'm not saying it should be the sole reason to draft someone, but to act like it shouldn't be an important factor in NFL player evaluation is ignorant. 3 year starters who are integral parts of two-time national championship teams do not grow on trees.

And we close with another line from ESPN's poet correspondent:

It's like the Hotel California where you can check in anytime you'd like, but you can never leave.

- Chris "With Leather" Berman

Night all.