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REHAB: The TDNLA Exit Interview

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With the 'That Did Not Look Athletic" champion decided will there be TDNLA during the off-season?

The Opposite of TDNLA
The Opposite of TDNLA
USA TODAY Sports

I've been on vacation for the last month. Writing for BFTB is a pretty sweet deal and I would recommend it. Because of the vacation time. I kid. John is a great boss. Who else would let you jump ship to run wild and naked through the world? John Gennaro, that's who.


Vacation

So I've spent the last month watching a lot of Breaking Bad. I'm glad that I never became a meth-head. I'm also glad that I don't work for the DEA. And I'm really glad that I don't live in Albuquerque. Sorry, Albuquerquians but that program has ruined the entire state of New Mexico for me. At least you have the Shins. I haven't listened to enough Shins during my vacation.

I feel like I have a meth-head for a child. I mean figuratively, not literally, of course. Let me explain.That Did Not Look Athletic is my well-adjusted child - the place where my hopes and dreams exist. I love it, it's my baby. So I've raised it and I do my best as a parent regardless of circumstances. I sacrifice the finer things in life so that little TDNLA can have proper shin-guards and a regulation soccer ball for practice and I puff out my chest proudly as people say, "That little TDNLA is a chip off the old block!"

And I smile. Parental pride consumes me. And before I know it my little angel is addicted to meth. The good kind. The blue stuff from Albuquerque. While That Did Not Look Athletic is my well adjusted child, The TDNLA Playoffs became my meth-head child.

I love Jr. but it's exhausting being the parent of an . . . INGRATE! I feel like Jesse Pinkman's parents - exhausted.

So I take the necessary measures to get TDNLA help. I enter it into a rehabilitation program.


REHAB

Whoa. When I woke up early this morning I didn't expect to be writing about meth. But we need to recap the season and honestly all I could think of was meth when I considered the TDNLA Championships winner from 2012-2013. And I'm not just saying that because it was a couple of Oakland Raiders who won it all. It's just that I'm so tired of seeing that GIF knocking on my door each day, refusing to go away. Even though it's my baby, the GIF that spawned this entire series, I'm just tired of it. I can't stand to look it in the eye. I want it to leave. The kid just can't be helped so we must move on.

In case you missed it Marcel Reece and Taiwan Jones were the inaugural TDNLA Championship winners. They crushed their competition in the finale (Ben Roethlisberger) by a comfortable margin (62%-37%). The remaining 1% voted for Ross Perot. I can't stand to look at that GIF again but if you're so inclined, check it out here.


Exit Interview

Now that the off-season has had a little time to breath it's time to fire-up the spring edition of TDNLA. You may or may not recall that TDNLA went on a hiatus for a few games in the middle of the season for a meth problem, er, I mean legal issues surrounding the use of GIFs. The NFL is very particular with their rights. Anyway, we need to review those games for any and all un-athletic moments, and I'm the sucker to do it.

I was also a big fan of the reader e-mail in which a BFTB reader shared an embarrassing athletic moment. But it only happened once. But it was awesome. And it should happen more! E-mail me at avengingjackmurphy@hotmail.com and share your story.

What else should we do? Any specific games of the past you want to see reviewed? I don't know if it's possible but I would like to do the 1987 strike shortened season. That would be some seriously un-athletic sh*t right there. Let me know. Any and all input is appreciated.


Disclaimer: I empathize with anyone who has suffered from drug addiction or who may have a family member suffering from addiction. This story line was more about Breaking Bad than anything else. And working in a Shins reference. Best. ~ AJM