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Two Minutes Of Hate: Minnesota Vikings

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The Chargers' "opponent" this week is the Minnesota Vikings. We have opponent in scare quotes because this is an exhibition game and nobody really wins or loses this week. In case you were wondering just how much the preseason doesn't matter* the Chargers want to let you know. The third game of the preseason is by all accounts the single most important exhibition game you will get to pay full price for all year long. With that in mind, San Diego will be sitting its two best players: quarterback Philip Rivers and tight end Antonio Gates.

That's right, guys. Week 3 is so incredibly important that Norv Turner and the San Diego Chargers thought that the potential value of having its two best players compete in it was so much less valuable than it was risky that they're going to find out how Charlie Whitehurst responds to starting a meaningless game in mid-August. That's actually what they're pretending this is about. We're not afraid Rivers might get hurt. We just want to see how his back up does playing snaps at the start of an exhibition as opposed to the end of one. I guess it takes a while for the lies to get into regular season shape, too.

What's that? This is about the Vikings? Oh, right. Uh, we'll get to them after the jump.

I lied. I don't care about the Vikings. They suck**. They play in the NFC North. And this game doesn't matter one tiny bit to me or to anyone else that isn't fighting for a roster spot and honestly what they do in practice probably matters more than this game to them, too.

Preseason is the biggest scam in the world as was already pointed out by virtually everyone else*** that waits out the entire off season for a taste of football before we collectively turn our noses up at the first course****. Literally everyone hates preseason with the exception of NFL coaches and NFL team owners. It's a terrible product. The only reason it's at all watchable is because we're a bunch of stinking addicts and we've gone six months without a fix.

I hate the preseason far more than I could ever hate the Minnesota Vikings. I hate it so much that I'm DVRing tonight's game and I'll have watched every play at least three times by the end of the day Sunday and I work on Saturday. Damn you, NFL.

Yeah, this probably should have been Two Minutes Of Hate: Preseason, but then I wouldn't have been able to write that line where I lied about getting around to the Vikings after the jump. That was classic. Next week: Two Minutes Of Hate: Those Of You Who Think You're In On The Joke.

*It matters even less than you think.

**They probably suck. I don't actually know and watching tonight's game will do nothing to change that.

***Seriously, though. Screw them. My complaints are unique and important (or not, whatever).

****Terrible analogy, but I stuck with it. That should count for something. Also, I'm think of renaming the column "Run On Sentence." Thoughts? Shut up. Nobody asked you.