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Two Minutes Of Hate: Pittsburgh Steelers

Holy crap, I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers and their fans. This is the only TMOH that is not in good fun.

Larry French

The Pittsburgh Steelers and their fan base are the gift that keeps on giving when considered from the position of someone that has to find reasons to hate and mock them. For that reason you might be forgiven for thinking this is the easiest column I get to write. You'd be wrong, though, because part of my purpose is to keep this series "in good fun." That's incredibly difficult to do when it comes to the Steel City, its residents and its football team, but that's the hand we've been dealt.

Ben Roethlisberger is an immensely talented football player and although earlier in his career he received undue credit1 for the work done by Dick LeBeau's defense and a strong running game he's now undeniably one of the elite players in the NFL. That said, he's also one of the worst human beings drawing a check in the NFL2. Some of you, perhaps, have been living underground throughout the duration of Roethlisberger's career and have missed out on hearing about his off season hobbies, so I'll go ahead and recap for you.

The man has been credibly3 accused of rape on more than one occasion, and I'm not one for profiling, but he just looks like a rapist. Perhaps the best thing Roethlisberger has done was ride his motorcycle without a helmet4, thus increasing the odds he'd never find himself in position to (allegedly) sexually assault anyone again.

He's a hell of a quarterback, though, so don't5 feel guilty or anything about rooting him on, Pittsburgh fans.

I know he's retired and probably slipping toward dementia right now, but let's take a moment to discuss Hines Ward. That guy was one of the dirtiest and most overrated players to ever set foot on a football field. People liked to celebrate him as a guy that played the game the right way, but he was seriously one of the guys that made the game worse. The NFL is a better place with him out of it and he was never as good as people wanted to pretend he was.

Finally, Steelers fans are just the most awful fans to deal with. Some people like to point to Raiders fans, but at least their antics are amusing at times6. They get a lot of love from the media for travelling well, but in all reality there are just a ton of bandwagon fans living around the country that grew up while the Steelers were great. Also, how much credit can you really give people for taking the time to get out of Pittsburgh? I mean, I'm amazed anyone still lives there at all.

Typically there are jokes7 in these posts, and we've kinda gone serious in this one, so I'll leave you with a joke. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.8

1. Seriously, he was basically an uglier Trent Dilfer that (allegedly) likes to commit sexual assault and yet people were talking about him like he was Joe Montana. What the hell was that about?

2. Stop and think about the sheer number of terrible human beings drawing a check in the NFL and then realize just how close to the top of that list Roethlisberger really is. It's staggering.

3. Your mileage may vary on "credibly," but I think the term is fair here.

4. Really, though, what kind of moron does that?

5. Just kidding. Feel guilty. Feel really guilty. If you bought your child a Roethlisberger jersey, set yourself on fire.

6. Those times would be when they're not stabbing people. Actually, come to think of it, maybe Raiders fans are worse. Whatever, though, that doesn't support where I'm going with this so we'll ignore it the way Steelers fans ignore what a terrible human being Ben Roethlisberger is. See how I brought that back around? You're welcome.

7. And footnotes. You can't forget the footnotes. Jokes are just to fill space between footnotes.

8. I'm not sorry.