That Did Not Look Athletic is a weekly series where we look at some of the least athletic plays during the previous week's Chargers game. This series is meant to give us a few laughs by showing that even the best athletes in the world have their moments of shame. It's also a reminder that you aren't a complete loser just because you punched at a tether-ball and fell down in front of a bunch of 3rd graders.
I usually begin TDNLA with a degrading reference to self but not this week. This is the bye week and since we're laughing at the Jets and Patriots I'm gonna tell a story about someone else.
Gazelle was a wiry b*astard when we played rugby in college. Fast too. At a buck sixty-five, soaking wet, there wasn't a guy he couldn't tackle on the pitch. Old reliable, that Gazelle.
Our alumni team met up a while back and Gazelle, having drawn the shortest straw, was put in the unenviable position of having to play for the competing side due to a lack of numbers. He wore it like a champ.
At some point during the game Gazelle and I met up in a two-on-one situation along the sideline. Gazelle was a tackler, and he'd be dammed if he was gonna let me by him. I could have passed the ball. I should have passed the ball. But I didn't. These were my more athletic days and I never shied away from a good test . . .
I ran him over like a freight train and finished the run with a score. Gazelle lay there despondent. He wasn't injured, just dejected. You see, his entire family sat a short 5 yards away away from where he crumbled like a castle made of sand. His mother. Father. Wife. His . . . pregnant wife. I blew him up in front of his unborn son! Man that was some un-athletic sh*t! And to this day I remind him every chance I get.
Jets! Patriots! I HATE both of these teams! Let's see if they can appease our bye-week blood lust.
Devin McCourty sidesteps Nick Folk and he's off to the races. I'm pretty sure that the TDNLA leader board consists of, Kickers, Punters, and Antoine Cason.
Long haired, fat woman tries to hug Mark Sanchez
A very athletic move by the former Trojan QB to evade that beast of a woman. I refuse to dignify the existence of this player whose name-plate is completely obscured by his ridiculous hair-do. He is simply Long-Haired Fat Woman to me.
Mark Sanchez plays footy
Bad blocking. Bad hand-off. Bad hands. Great kick. Somewhere there's a youth soccer coach who had no idea what he was doing back in 1993 but felt completely validated after watching this kick by his former protege. Orange slices for all!
Big Human versus Small Human
Nate Solder is 6'8" and 320 lbs. Isaiah Trufant is 5'8" and 170 lbs. Something had to give. Trufant did well not to die here. Clearly I overlooked his athleticism.
The Antonio Cromartie We Remember . . .
To the uninitiated this looks like a great attempt at a strip by a CB while a LB attempts to bring down a hulking TE before the goal-line. But we're all Chargers fans here. This play was all about Cro' not wanting to involve himself in a tackle. The last time I saw such cowardice was in January of 2010 when Cromartie played matador to Shonn Green's raging bull. I don't throw the "H" word around too much anymore but in the context of football . . . I hate Antonio Cromartie.
My hands HATE footballs
Shonn Green dropped this pass. Why? Because his hands hate footballs? Only partially. Shonn Green has the fear. Shonn Green has the fear of Dont'a Hightower. And since Hightower is a 22 year old man standing 6'4" and weighing 270 lbs, I totally get it. But I do not condone it. Not athletic!
This Is Not Figure Skating
Chandler Jones couldn't beat his blocker so he tried to thwart Mark Sanchez with a trip. This is not Dancing With The Stars. Be a man and beat your blocker.
I've seen plenty of QBs take a slide to avoid a hit but I have NEVER seen them do it inside of the pocket. I don't know what else to say.
No, that's not the number of kids manufactured by Cromartie Industries. It's the number of fingers that the ball just touched. Good job Cro'.
My hands HATE balls. Too!
This drop by Stephen Hill occurred near the end of the 4th quarter and would have been good for a 1st down. I'm trying to say that it would have given the Jets a chance to run more time off the clock and win the game with a TD. But Hill dropped the ball. Ball hater.
With the game hanging in the balance . . .
Look at the two Jets "tacklers". They aren't even going for the tackle. They are both targeted on the ball carrying arm of Devin McCourty. As a kick returner how do you not recognize the intent of these would-be tacklers during a tie game and under two minutes to play? Easy. Not an athletic mind!
"Oh my God! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Pardon, me! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" ~ Rex Ryan
Man, this would have been so much better if Rex was still really fat. The big fella's looking good, though. If I were a consenting, adult-aged, female I'd totally put his toes in my mouth. You weren't expecting that were you . . . .
Game, fackin' ovah
I initially picked this because I thought Mark Sanchez looked like an un-athletic little b*tch. But upon further review I'm putting this one on his offensive line. Look at how fast those Patriots are getting past those Jets. My mind can't even register what's going on. I hate giving praise to the New England Patriots but, hey, at least it's at the expense of the Jets.
Next up: Jaguars at Raiders.
The "That Did Not Look Athletic" Archives
Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4
First Quarter of Season Playoffs