clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

A Not-So-Measured Response to Bill Johnston's Chill Pills

When Chargers PR man, Bill Johnston, decided to call-out fans yesterday in a blog on the Chargers website my mission in life became crystal clear.


Yesterday the Public Relations Director for the San Diego Chargers, Bill Johnston, wrote a blog telling fans to get their collective houses in order. He also encouraged them to do DRUGS!

By all accounts Bill Johnston seems to be a genuinely good fellow. Does that mean he will be spared? Absolutely not.

What's with you people?

What is "How do racist comments begin?" for $200, Alex?

Yes, Monday night's loss was bad. Horrible. Embarrassing.

It was like my softball game only worse. Terrible. Disconcerting

Ok...enough already. No mas. I get it.

Roberto Duran references? How very 1980s of you, Bill. Needs more allusions to Flock of Seagulls and Florence Griffith Joyner. Next time, Bill. Next time.

Now get over it. It was a loss. One loss.

One? No, no, no. Fans perform addition. This Week's Loss (In devastating fashion) + Last Week's Loss (In devastating fashion) = We Want to Skewer Everyone X 2. I guess we do multiplication as well.

Listening to some of you out there, you'd think Monday night was "win or go home" and the Chargers are now packing their bags.

Fans are the worse. Gridiron jihadists with 4 oz. of liquid in the soles of their shoes. A**holes will blow sh*t up if we're not careful.

"The Chargers are finished. Done," said one scribe.

That sounds Canepian. Said opinions are erroneous. Dismiss them!

Another wrote, "Bye, bye Chargers. Put a fork in them."

Didn't we put a fork in them here at BFTB? Wait, that was a Jackie Battle photoshop.

Sometimes I think Twitter was invented to give people a chance to puff out their chests and talk big, saying things they never would say to someone's face.

Twitter was invented for the purposes of following attention-wh*res who post low grade pornographic images of themselves standing in front of mirrors with a camera in their hand. I mean . . . that's how the medium has been explained to me.

And talk radio ... don't get me started. The old adage your mom used to preach - "If you don't have anything good say, don't say anything" - seems to have evolved to "if you don't have anything good to say, call sports talk radio."

Bill Johnston: Fan or Public Relations Director? REACT to me, Penasquitos!

Some of those folks are probably the same ones who called for former Head Coach Bobby Ross' job when his first Chargers team started the 1992 season 0-4. I still remember the self-proclaimed experts saying Bobby was "in over his head". The Chargers went on to win 11 of the next 12 games that year, along with a 17-0 victory in the first round of the playoffs.

I worked at a golf course in 1992. Those golf pros sure won a lot of money the first four weeks of that season. I'm glad the Chargers themselves waited a few years before they called for Bobby's head. Unfortunately it was the wrong one.

A few of the more recent Chargers teams have been declared dead by quacks, only to awaken in good health. The 3-3 Chargers of 2004 won nine of their final 10 games. The '06 Chargers won their final 10. The '07 Chargers started 1-3 before winning 10 of their last 12. The '08 Chargers won their final four in a row and the '09 team won its last 11 games.

The operative word from this excerpt: "awaken". The implication being, of course, that the Chargers have been sleeping with great frequency during the Turner Era. My favorite children's book is called The Bear Snores On. I always choose it during story time with the daughters. Great pictures. I want to read it to Norv.

Time to take a chill pill. No one knows what will happen this season, yet alone the next game. That's the beauty of the National Football League. I don't know, you don't know, no one knows what's going to happen.

He doesn't mean that we should take drugs. You should DRINK.

I had no beer in the house on Monday night. When the game finished I was put in the unenviable position of having to go back and watch the first half for the purposes of acquiring GIFs for the TDNLA post.

I needed a drink. I don't drink booze, though.

I went into the freezer and grabbed a bottle of vodka. What to mix it with? I looked for a Capri Sun but there was nothing. So I poured it straight and took a swig. BOOM. Spit take into the sink. I dumped the Vodka and dejectedly began the replay one of the worst games in Chargers history. I could have used a chill pill.

If you want these players and coaches to succeed, then support them. Don't tear them down. What you want and what we all want, including your team, is to know people believe in them.

Ted Cottrell and Greg Manusky were not supported by YOU. Nor did YOU believe in them. The blood is on YOUR hands, dear Chargers fans. And all of those women knocked-up by Antonio Cromartie. Those children are YOURS. Stop being absentee parents!

Look at it this way. We want our loved ones to succeed, and we'll do whatever it takes to help them. But when they make mistakes, like we all do, we would never criticize or belittle them publicly.

Again . . . Antonio Cromartie's Your children must be loved. Now go teach them to read good.

Your team is 3-3, tied at the top of the division, and has 10 games to play. If the Chargers are your team, get behind them and stay behind them. We're all at our best when we know others believe in us.

Behind every good man there is a better woman. The Chargers are that man. And Chargers fans . . . you are that woman. So stop nagging and let your man go out for beers tonight. It's a bye week!

That was cathartic. Keep the faith brothers and sisters. Until this sh*t happens again!