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Two Minutes of Hate: Jacksonville Jaguars


The Chargers are so terrible this season that it's difficult to find the energy to hate anyone else. Between hating virtually everyone associated with the franchise, hating the local media, hating my fellow fans and the general self loathing necessary to keep tuning in week after week, I'm about tapped out. Luckily the Jacksonville Jaguars make it easy. With their ridiculous uniforms, their craphole of a city, and the fact that they're just bad enough to make me worry that they might find a way to lose to my Chargers on Monday night it'd be impossible not to hate them.

First of all, I'd just like to congratulate Mr. Khan on purchasing a team that utilizes teal as its primary team color. Seriously, teal, guys. That's almost more offensive than the fact that they play their home games in Jacksonville, Florida. Jacksonville as anyone who has ever been there already knows is both the largest crappy city in Florida as well as the crappiest large city in the state. That they hosted a Super Bowl is still one of the funniest/saddest things to ever happen that involved the NFL or the game of football in general. Charger fans can only hope that the Jaguars' new owner is prepared to pay the price necessary to escape to Los Angeles before our own team's ownership can.

I would also like to take this time to complain about the Jaguars firing Jack Del Rio. Jack Del Rio once brought a tree stump and an axe into the locker room to prove a point. I don't recall off hand what that point was. What I do remember is that his idiot punter, Chris Hanson*, damn near chopped his own foot off with the aforementioned axe. This proved definitively that, something, punters, something, axes, something, hilarity. Whatever, my point is that it was a travesty of the highest order that the man who gave us that moment was fired from his job.

This brings me back to my worrying that the Jaguars will be bad enough to lose to the Chargers on Monday. At this point, Chargers fans have been reduced to rooting against the hometown team in the hopes that a higher draft pick will help cure what ails the franchise. The only team that can hope to stand between the Chargers and losing out is Jacksonville. Now, the Jaguars have a pretty decent enough defense, but don't let that fool you into thinking they'll just roll over the hapless San Diego club. Jacksonville may want to lose out worse than they do. Hell, based on the fact that they traded up to acquire Blaine Gabbert, I suspect they were trying to go 0-16 this season. That kind of long term planning and preparation will be difficult to overcome even for a team as bad as the Chargers. To the Jacksonville Jaguars, I beg of you, find a way to win. I know you're not accustomed to the practice and it probably goes against everything you believe in or something, but please, please keep my 4-12 dream alive.**

*Not to be confused with the child molester catcher guy. That guy probably wouldn't try to chop his own foot off with an axe among numerous other differences including the spelling of their last names.

**I'll still hate you because of your terrible city, stupid uniforms and the fact that you fired the great Jack Del Rio of Keep Choppin' Wood fame, but well, there is no but. Please win anyway. Thank you.