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Two Minutes of Hate: Baltimore Ravens


Baltimore, famous for its delicious seafood and rampant crime, is home to the Ravens or depending on your age you might remember them better as the Cleveland Browns. The current team name was the result of another one of those fantastic naming contests I love so much. Which reminds me, remember to check out Poe's grave while you're in Baltimore (should you ever have that misfortune befall you) as it's probably the most interesting site to see for non-baseball fans.

The Ravens' style of play has been described by some as "teeth rattling" (no doubt a euphemism for dirty) which calls to mind the quality of Baltimore's roads that have been under construction for roughly eight years. The unit most responsible for the team's rough reputation is its defense. And the face of that defense is none other than noted murderer* Ray Lewis. For his alleged crimes, Lewis received a year of probation, a quarter million dollar fine and lost the opportunity to declare that he would be going to Disney World after winning the Super Bowl MVP award. In other news, they still haven't found the suit he was wearing.

Lewis isn't the only completely unlikable personality donning the purple and black, though. The still relatively young Joe Flacco combines his shining unlikability with a truly offensive level of being overrated**. Joe benefited from having a big arm and being part of the same quarterback class as an actually talented passer in Matt Ryan. This created a storyline in which talking heads could point to Ryan AND Flacco as proof that you can start a rookie QB in the NFL. The Ryan AND Flacco talking point artificially inflated peoples' opinions of the Ravens QB and continues to annoy me even now that I'm not longer certain it still happens***.

No discussion of the Ravens would be complete without at least touching on the intensely aggravating Terrell Suggs. Much like Ray Lewis, he has been in legal trouble due to allegations of violent crime. For a better idea of how annoying he is, please note that the top result for Terrell Suggs on Google News as I write this column is "Suggs earns a doctorate from Ball So Hard U." No, really. Ray Lewis killed the wrong people****.

*Noted murderer in this case can be more accurately read as former NFL defensive player of the year.

**It's entirely possible that other people have realized he's not very good and thus he's no longer overrated, but rightly considered to be a barely adequate player. I sort of stopped tuning into Flacco discussions a while back, though, so I'm not sure. Let me know in the comments. Thanks.

***No, you're the one who needs help.

****Ray Lewis didn't kill anyone.