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Two Minutes of Hate: Denver Broncos

Two Minutes of Hate is meant entirely in good fun and if you manage to be offended you're probably an idiot.

I really used to like John Fox. He went to school locally at SDSU. He coached one of the least offensive teams in the NFL. He just generally came across as a good guy. There really wasn't anything to dislike about him. Then, this off season, he was hired as the new head coach of the Denver Broncos. That in and of itself wasn't a reason to hate him. However, he'd barely been in the job a week when there was talk that he might make do something truly awful.

I tried to ignore the talk to write it off as being just a rumor, but it was persistent and then on April 22 it became real. John Fox had made the official decision to kill fun. "How could he do this?" wailed John Crean. "How could he bench my lord and savior?"* It was a reasonable move and one to be expected of a legitimate NFL head coach, but taking away our chance to watch Tim Tebow embarrass himself by trying to play quarterback in the NFL is unforgivable.

Almost as bad as taking away my personal joy of watching another person fail, is that by keeping Tebow on the bench, Fox has allowed Tebow's true believers like Crean to go on believing that the former Gator is a real NFL quarterback. These Tebow fanatics wouldn't be so bad if we had weekly evidence of their own personal Jesus' complete inability to run an offense, but with their purported savior instead doing his best Charlie Whitehurst** impression each Sunday they're insufferable. Even other Broncos fans have to be tired of their act by now.

Speaking of other Broncos fans and tired acts, I'd like to take a moment to address, "IN-COM-PLETE." Seriously, guys? Do you clowns really need to do that? Proponents of the equally tired tomahawk chop*** think you're being lame at this point. I suppose we should just be glad Denver's pass defense is bad this year and that will limit the amount of times Denver's fan base gets to remind people watching at home that the thin air isn't the only reason not to visit.

The cult of Tebow and the oxygen-deprived mouth breathers in the stands aren't even the biggest reasons to hate Denver, though. By far the worst thing about the Broncos is the deliberately dirty play of their offensive line. You can't argue with the effectiveness of the Tom Nalens**** of the world diving at the knees of their opposition on every play, but you also can't defend it. It's tiresome watching your team play the Broncos and just holding your breath hoping that all of your defensive linemen make it through the game. The only team that can begin to challenge the Broncos for the title of dirtiest team in the league is that pack of goons the Tennessee Titans.

As always, I'll make an effort to be funnier and more offensive next time. However, I'm dropping the pretense of being sorry. Go Chargers!

*Crean may or may not have actually wailed those words. I'm pretty sure there was some wailing, though.

**The Original Clipboard Jesus.

***At least your idiotic chant isn't racist, so you've got that going for you, which is nice.

****Maybe it's wrong (okay, it's definitely wrong) but I was more than a little happy when Nalen finally had to retire.