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I Hate You, Los Angeles

A couple of things going on at BFTB.....

First off, Kevin Acee day has turned out to be a bust. Those with good stories don't feel comfortable sharing (he's put the fear of God into them, apparently), and those named Kevin Acee are out of town and busy. We're playing this one by ear, so don't be surprised if I randomly come through with a "My night of heavy drinking with the Silver Fox" post sometime in the next few weeks.

Secondly, I have survived the falling guillotine of my bosses and get to retain my position as your faithful leader and overlord (I doubt it was ever in jeopardy, but I like to be dramatic). However, they have asked me to try and post more frequently. What that means is that from time to time you'll get short off-the-cuff rants that are basically me venting about something that is almost Chargers-related. Like today, when I tell Los Angeles why they suck.

I've never liked L.A. Sure, there's the occasional decent place or area (I actually find Dodgers Stadium to be a nice place to watch a game, if it weren't for the people), but for the most part it's a ridiculous excuse for a city. This is coming from somebody that lived in Philadelphia for the last four years and spent a fair amount of time in New York City: I know cities, and L.A.: you're a poor excuse for a city.

L.A. is nothing but spread–out suburbs with some high-end restaurants and shopping districts, and tons of traffic. You know why they can say "Hey, we'll build a stadium downtown for the Chargers" and not think twice about it while San Diego has to scramble to find some space? Because there's nothing in downtown L.A. that's worth a damn, nothing that would be missed if it were imploded tomorrow, with the exception of the Staples Center.

Football has never worked in Los Angeles for a few reasons. Number one, the owners they have had for L.A. football teams have been psychotic money-grubbers. Number two, the city of L.A. has no interest in bringing in or helping out an NFL team. They'll leave that to the privately wealthy, who run the damn town anyways. Number three, football is not a sport that can be picked up quickly. It takes some time to learn all the rules and philosophies, not to mention the players and coaches and everything else. L.A. fans don't have time for that garbage, they only attend sporting events to be seen or spend time shmoozing with someone. Ever try to shmooze during a football game? It's impossible.

L.A. fans want a few things. They want a young, pretty-boy star that they can go around and claim is the greatest thing in the world. See: Kobe Bryant, Blake Griffin, Matt Kemp, James Loney, etc. They want that star to go to fancy restaurants and date Rihanna. They want that star to make snide remarks about his coach, maybe have a reality TV show and generally carry himself like he's Kevin Smith directing a bad movie about a football team rather than actually playing on one. They want sexy headlines, Antonio Garay's hair and Shawne Merriman choking Tila Tequila. This is not what I want my football team to become.

So please, L.A., just stick to what you're good at. Get dressed up and go to Lakers and Dodger games, where the cameras can find you during the long timeouts or in between innings. See if you can spot James Cameron in the crowd so that he can get you a part on Avatar 2. Win your basketball championships, follow the dating lives of your favorite athletes and do whatever it takes to push Barack Obama to page 2 of the L.A. Times. Just keep your hands off of the Chargers, because I'd rather they stay focused on trying to win football games.