The Book of Woodhead: Volume 3

Danny Woodhead's long climb to the pros takes some unexpected turns.

Danny Woodhead was the best running back in the history of college foot ball by any object of measurement. If you laid out all the yards that Woodhead got at Chadron State University youd be able to go from the United States to Mars where God lives or what ever BS Neil D'Grasse Tyson's forcing me to explain to my hypothetical son this week. After all that producton youd think that Woodhead would of been invited to the NFL Scout Combine right? Youd be wrong.

Instead Danny just staged his own combine at home like when you and youre friends wrote a play and performed it for youre parents because the local theater was to PC to do a 17 year olds verson of "Eyes WIde Shut" with your hottest cousin. So Danny invited scouts far and wide to come watch him workout which as far as Im concern is worth the price of admission. Chadron Nebraska falls some were between Cleveland and Fukushima as far as destination citys go, so he called up Bo Pellini and asked if he could just go ahead and do his Pro Day at Nebraska. Coach siad "Yeah" or it was probably more lik e"Yeah Goddammit." So a little known fact is that Danny Woodhead cuckholded Nebraska by giving the best ProDay performance the school had ever seen on its turf. What Danny contributes cant be measured with a stopwatch or ruler, its measured in WelkerWatts which is the inter national unit of measurement for the quantinty of times you show up on film.

Heres Dannys other measurbles:

  • 4.33 40 yard dash (faster then RG3)
  • 4.03 Pro-Agilty time which is not at all a excercise thats made up by a NFL scout who just wanted to say he invented something
  • 38.5 Vertical jump (2nd best of his class of RBs)
  • Firmest handshake with most geniune eye contact

While alot of players like Manzeil and Clowney opt for a bottle of Patron when it comes to making a buzz for themselfs at DraftDay, Danny did it the old fashioned way with hardwork.

Danny didnt exactly have stiff competiton as far as other ballcarriers go in the draft. I mean heres a list of Running Backs that were drafted in the 1st rd of 2008:

  • Darren McFadden- aka "Run MRI" the walking training room
  • Johnathan Stewart- if you cant brake out of a platoon with D'Angelo Williams thats really all I need to say
  • Felix Jones- He dislopcated his shoulder trying to read this sentence
  • Rashard Mendenhall- Decided he wasnt good enough and quit playing football. Is 9/11 truther. Those are the 2 smartest things hes ever done.
  • Chris Johnson- CJ2YPC this guys got as many holdouts as Danny does AFC Champonships. For the "fastest" player in the NFL he sure does take alot of time to report to training camp.

But Danny went undrafted just like another all American boy who would go on to accomplish great things after being under apprecated in college thats right George W. Bush.

Before the draft was even over and Mel Kiper had had enough time to queston why the Redskins took a punter in the 4th round, Dannys phone rang. It was Rex Ryan, head coach of the New York Jets on the phone breathing heavly and cussing (probably).

"Hey Danny how the fuck are you doing?" He might of said.

"Good coach just getting a workout in and helping my dad a round the communtiy."

"Say son are you watching the fucking draft?" Ryan in all likleyhood asked.

"Oh is the draft today coach? I didnt even no. I'm keeping my head down and just working, knowing that the busness side will take care of itself as long as I keep chopping wood but in football terms."

"Thats right Danny. Shit, hell I mean Id like to offer you a fucking UDFA contract with the New York Fucking Jets. Hows that sound?" Ryan may of wanted to know.

"That sound good."

The rest was history that hadnt happened yet.

Danny showedup to Jets training camp early. Hed allways heard that you should dress for the job you want not the job you have so sense Danny wanted to be a starting running back youd think he would of showed up in a Warn a Brother hoodie and earrings. Nope not Danny he put on his button down and hopped on the first farmtruck out've North Platte and said "dont stop til you see the bright lights of broadway." The Jets training camp was upstate though so that was a goof up.

But on the second day of practice Danny hurt his knee bad, but just like a nother White guy that no one said stood a chance, Danny rose again on the third day. He knew hed just have to work harder and spend a year learning the diffrence between being hurt and being injured. After spending that first season on injure reserve Danny came back strong in 2009. He would make the Jets practice squad and got activated as a WR (but your never going to hear Danny try to say that he needs WR money when he gets a franchise tag cc Jimmy Gram.) He single handly led the Jets to the AFC Champonship game but I mean Mark Sanchez was there QB,, Dannys a good football player but hes not a magican. So they lost but it looked like all was going right for Woodhead. Then Rex Ryan cut him for some reason that no one will ever begin to under stand.

Maybe Danny wasnt PC enough for the New York liberals. Maybe Danny was a simple lunchpail kid and Rex Ryan needed more of a buffet type guy. Maybe Mike Tennebaum wasnt good at doing his job good, no defiantly not that one. We'll never know.

One things for sure though:

"One Man's Trash is another Man's Come-up."

-Thomas Jefferson

Bill Belichick knows talent. This is a guy who pretty much drafted a unknown WR name Wes Welker by tradeng for him. This was the coolest thing that Belichick had ever done because it made announcers have to pause for like 90 seconds after a big first down or TD so they could figure out if it was Welker, Edelman, or Woodhead who made the play. At any rate he made the smartest decison of his life outside of paying Mo Lewis $20 to headhunt Drew Bledsoe and he brought in Woodhead to give the guys a look. Danny was basicaly a scout teamer just like me, but he worked his way up to the starting spot with his gumption and also because Kevin Faulk was literaly turning down roles for the crypt keeper at that stage in his life. All Danny would go on to do was become the best undersized goaline back in the league and lead the Patriots to back to back playoff appearences and he even scored a Superbowl Touchdown, but again very gracously let the other team win.

In what can only be describes as "a move that creates extreme amount of cognite of dissonance for me," Daniel Frank Henry Woodhead opted to become a Free Agent in 2013. Free Agency is the modern day equivilent of slavery the way it holds NFL owners hostage IMO, but I think I can figure out why Woodhead wanted to go that way in stead of taking a hometown discount for a city that hed literaly never seen until he was 24. Possibly it had alot to do with Tom Brady acting more like a preening bird then a Mt Rushmore QB. Maybe he could sense that something was just kind've "off" about that Hernandez fella. But I think it was mostly because he needed some one that spoke his language as a coaches son. And that person happen to be waiting for him out west.

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