Digital Dolt, Issue #8 - The Voice Edition

Kaia Kanepi (Estonia) - Worst Wimbledon Face of The Week. - Julian Finney

The judges from last season's "The Voice" weigh in on The Derp. Special appearances by Cee Lo Green and that other female judge.

Digital Dolt, our semi-regular lifestyle blog. The CGOTW has been cancelled. Here is the replacement we will be running for the next few weeks:

Worst Wimbledon Face: Kaia Kanepi (Estonia).

This started as an ode to the massive influx of tennis hotties from the former Soviet Bloc (which started with Sharapova and has literally exploded as evidenced here, here, and here). But, oh, that face is too priceless. The contrast between on-court and off court photos of any tennis player is terrifying.

The Derp.

The less publicized part of the Aaron Hernandez story is what the Patriot's depth chart at tight end will be this fall (I'm following the evidence and assuming he's totally f*cked):

Te_depth_chart_patriots_medium

Adam: "I think it's great, a solid job, I wish he was on my team. One thing though, if I were him, next time, I'd claim that the one-armed man did it. That might give it a more believable spin. Also, the one-armed man is in front of him on the depth-chart."

Also, if the SEC institutes a drug policy the University of Florida will shut down it's football program. Reefer Madness y'all.

Blake: "Whoo-hoo, I'm drinkin' liquor in a Starbucks cup on a Monday night, y'all! See, what Adam doesn't realize is that god put this liquor on earth for us to enjoy. Not that other stuff. I'm just so excited to see country music being appreciated in this situation."

Nate Washington compares Jake Locker to Ben Roethlisberger. 15-1 record in his first season? Nope. Kinda rapey? Nope. Well, I don't get it then.

Shakira: "So, I went with my heart, and it was very clear that Jake was not as good as Ben, but, I sort of put their names in a hat and chose and I put my faith in the lord to guide the choice and he picked, so...Jake, it's Jake. He's not a better quarterback but he's who I choose."

There's a show on MTV called 'Catfish' and it's premise is what happened to Manti Te'o. The derp part of this is that MTV is still broadcasting.

Usher: (spreads legs to aerate crotch) "Look, MTV is great, but why is it great, because I made it great. Yeah, Catfish is interesting, but I had an experience like that once, and what I learned from it is that I am really a good person, and I really like myself and it's okay for me to take everything that happens to the people around me and turn it into something that's really about me. Because it is about them, but it's about me too."

Related and sort-of football: Lucy Millsap - Cheerleader, Noodler, All-Around Bad-Ass. "There's nothing like having a catfish latch onto your arm and take it..." My kind of girl, bros.

Christina: (makes face like she just got a whiff of a fart) That's interesting, if that's your whole thing and all, I just am not into it.

Unrelated: Yes, that is exactly what I want to see when I look down there.

Cee Lo Green: "What has 2 thumbs and loves America, y'all? This guy! I am gonna buy stock in that company and then we are going to make some with pictures of me and Lady on them."

Chips and Salsa: JV's Mexican Food (Linda Vista)

1112 Morena Blvd

JVs has a great salsa bar - several different fresh salsas, usually one or two picos and pickled carrots and cabbage, also usually have some cucumber out in case you go overboard on the heat. The Chips are fair, nothing to write home about. The menu is really interesting, ranging from very traditional (al pastor, lengua) to very mexican-california fusion (Cali Burrito has sliced avocado, mordiditas are chopped up rolled tacos drowning in queso). The burrito's are large in a fashion that seems to be more popular here than Mexico. I have had the surf and turf burrito and had to take 1/2 of it home and I am not a small man. JVs does cater to a broad audience, but still has that home-style/street-food feel that I love in low budget Mexican cuisine.

Beverage: Holy Moses White Ale, Great Lakes Brewery, Cleveland OH

Edgar Allen Bro gives this brew a macabre head-nod. That's a compliment because he rarely drank beer, but when he did, he drank it til he passed out in the streets of Baltimore. Holy Moses is a belgian wit with a strong ale yeast but is heavily spiced with coriander and which gives it a nice citrusy taste. Yummy. Legend has it these are going off the market so find some at your bottle shop before it's too late.

Smurf Report:

I am not a big fan of reality TV bros, but remember what we used to do with all that air-time?

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