Digital Dolt, Issue #4

Alex Trautwig

It's really the off-season now. The NBA and NHL playoffs are happening and on the near horizon is a summer in which we are left with baseball to entertain us. A special kind of hell for San Diego Sports fans. The usual disclaimer applies - this is shameless revision of Spencer Hall's digital viking, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Off-season, why do you forsake me every year?


The Digital Dolt is....

  1. Charger Girl of the Week, because in SoCal our inspiration is rarely more than skin deep.
  2. The Derp. Whatever Deion Sanders said on the NFL Network this week and why it bothered us.
  3. Chips and Salsa. Best bars and restaurants by the ubiquitous appetizer of our region.
  4. Beverage. No shirley temples or umbrella drinks.
  5. Surf Report. Everyone knows why we can't stay on local TV, the gnarly swells at TPCB brah.


CGOTW: Marissa, please wash the Martha Stewart out of my brain.

Marissa_medium

via ChargerGirls on Facebook

Marissa is not just the most exotic Charger Girl, she's also the most gymnastic. You will find her on the sidelines doing handsprings and back-flips during the season. This SDSU grad is more than just a limber lady with a pretty face though. She was a member of Dean's list and graduated in the top 10% of all undergraduates at SDSU. More Marissa can be found here, here, and here.


The Derp

Can anything be more DERP than 71 year-old Martha Stewart putting a dating profile on Match.com looking for a hot, no-strings-attached fuck-buddy? The answer is no.

Something happened to Bob Ley this week. I think he saw Martha Stewart's Match.com profile.

Be warned future NFL prospect bros: If you want to be drafted in the first round, aloof and texting your homeys is not the way to meet NFL owners and executives. Take a class on job interview skills your senior year. Do they offer that at West Fucking Virginia?

Deion Sanders reproduced. Those are gold versace sheets. It's true what they say, ridiculous berries do not fall far from the ridiculous bush.


Chips and Salsa*

Maria's Mexican Cocina, 4th & Broadway (Downtown)

The chips and salsa are fantastic, home made chips and delicious salsa. But you know what else? They have a lobster-fucking-quesadilla. That's right, lobster quesadilla. Someone who's read my posts from the comfort of their home in Wamego, KS will say something like, "Lobster? That's not authentic Mexican food." And I will respond: "Shut your mouth. Shut your blasphemous, cheese-hating, Wizard-of-Oz loving mouth. Oh, and this." What else is good here: Chilaqueles, burritos, lots of things. You'll love it, trust me.


Beverage

The Ginger Julep ’68 Fastback

I came across this Ginger Julep '68 Fastback drink recipe here* and decided that I was too cool for a standard mint julep on Derby Day.

1 ½ ounces Maker's Mark Bourbon
½ ounce organic brown sugar
¼ ounce peeled minced fresh ginger
1 ½ ounces soda water
1 lime twist

You have to use fresh ginger because you need the little bit of juice to muddle with the brown sugar - make sure all the sugar is wet as a result of muddling. A little soda will help to finish dissolving the sugar. Stir bourbon in and add ice and a lime twist. Add another splash of soda if it tastes too strong.

*They recommend Bulleit bourbon. Every brah knows that shit is for pussies. Makers, bitches... Makers or nothing.



Surf Report

The Brah Reccomends: Watching the Kentucky Derby*.

Once again bros, we are without any significant breaks in the county over the weekend. It's hard to have a real job a find some waves around here, but what are you gonna do? For the hardcore maulers out there, 1-2 ft breaks are good for practicing your switchstance riding or jumps. If you are a little grommet or just learning, this weekend is all yours bros.

*Disclaimer: CrimeTime31 is a resident of East Tennessee and has never surfed a day in his life.

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