Two Minutes Of Hate: Atlanta Falcons


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I'll grant you that it's difficult to muster much of any sort of feeling for the Atlanta Falcons, at first. They're in the NFC South (a division that didn't even exist not that long ago) and the Chargers only play them once every four years or so. However, once you get started you'll find it surprisingly easy to hate this franchise and its fans.

So, without further ado, let's get to the most obvious reason to hate the Atlanta Falcons: Matty Ice. Seriously, Falcons fans? Seriously? To be fair there are some terrible nicknames in the NFL, but most of those are just Berman filling otherwise dead air during highlight packages. Falcons fans have embraced this idiotic moniker, though.

They've gone so far as to rip off the stupid cheese head hats the Packers fans were. These block of ice heads (or block heads* if you prefer) are not only completely unoriginal, they're completely unoriginal in support of a nickname that's a play on the name of a terrible, cheap beer. Far be it from me to criticize what may or may not be considered the equivalent of the nectar of the gods in Atlanta** but it strikes me as odd to attempt to celebrate someone's greatness by essentially comparing them to some crappy beverage. Then again, these are the same people that do the tomahawk chop at baseball games, so there's basically no reasoning*** with them.

Worse than their lack of originality, their poor taste in beer, or their obvious racism, is that they allowed one of the all-time great touchdown celebrations to die off. That's right. The Dirty Bird (God bless Julio Jones for reviving it temporarily in Week 1). You can make an argument that it peaked when Dan Reeves did it at a press conference and that it was only downhill from there, but you'd be wrong. Grown men doing what was basically the chicken dance to celebrate after a play was and always will be hilarious. Shame on you, Atlanta. Shame on you for allowing this tradition to die off. Couldn't one of you losers have threatened to starve yourself or something? There are lots of great protest ideas you guys could have stolen and made less effective (as is your way).

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Eugene Robinson. Oh man, I do love the story of Eugene Robinson. I don't even have a joke for this story. I just want to make sure nobody ever forgets this happened. On the day before the Super Bowl, Eugene was given the Bart Starr Award. The award was to recognize his high moral character. That same night (that same damn night, you guys) he was arrested. Why was he arrested? He propositioned an undercover female police officer that was dressed as a prostitute offering her $40 for oral sex. How can you even make fun of that? It parodies itself.

Worse than that, though, during the Super Bowl he gave up a huge touchdown pass and whiffed on a tackle that also led to a touchdown. Damn you, Eugene, for helping the Broncos win a Super Bowl. You're the worst.

*Y'know, like from Gumby, I guess. Shut up.

**I've never been, but they seem like the type.

***You know how racists can get.

Line I originally cut from today's TMOH: Also, I was really upset for a minute when I realized Rae Carruth played for the Panthers. I could have sworn he played for the Falcons. Thank goodness we get to play the Panthers later.

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