Please allow me to preface this week's Two Minutes of Hate by stating this: I actually do, in fact, hate the Tennessee Titans*. My first attempt at this resulted in roughly 400 words of humorless, bitter complaining about Jeff Fisher and how he ruined Shawne Merriman's career and the Chargers chances at a championship for a couple seasons.
Allow me to take you through my process: list things that are wrong with a team and/or its fan base then pick out the ones that are funny and talk about those. Here's the problem with the Titans. The things that are really wrong with them aren't funny, they're just wrong. So, let's get that out of the way first. The Titans as coached by Jeff Fisher** were one of the dirtiest teams of all time. Humor*** after the jump.
Remember when the Titans drafted Vince Young? That was hilarious because (get this) he couldn't and still can't play the position of quarterback. Good times. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but there's a pretty good chance Jake Locker is basically the same player without the athleticism.
Am I the only one that absolutely loves how awful Chris Johnson has become? That guy was insufferable when he was enjoying success and I just can't help enjoying his complete lack of it over the last couple years. I've been told that it's wrong to take joy in the suffering of others, but to them I say, "oh well."
Honestly, though, is there any personality left in Nashville with Fisher and Young gone? There's Johnson, but he's a completely inconsequential player at this point and to spend too much time thinking about him will just make you sad*****. I thought I had come up with one, but then I realized Cortland Finnegan is gone, too. Do we get to watch Andre Johnson smack him around again any time soon? I guess, I'll just have to keep watching the video of it. Man, that was good. Hey, SB Nation overlords, can I get a gif of that? Thanks.
The Titans aren't a very good football team this year and they're missing some important pieces for Sunday, but everybody on staff picked the Chargers to win and I'm pretty sure that means they'll definitely lose.
*Such a terrible team name. They had a cool name when they were in Houston, but they move to Tennessee and had to take a terrible one. I don't follow the logic, but let's try to work backwards from the result: Houston's kinda okay so their team got to have a cool name. Tennessee gets stuck with a terrible one and it's reasonable to posit that this is because Tennessee is a pretty crappy place. Seriously, what is a Tennessee Titan anyway? Is it some kind of slang for redneck that I'm not familiar with because if not it makes no sense. They could have gone with Flying Elvii, but the New England Patriots already have that logo. (HT: TMQB)
**Jeff Fisher, now in St. Louis, actually tried to hire Gregg Williams as his defensive coordinator just to remove all doubt as to how big of a scumbag he is.
***Your mileage may vary, but I at least smirked while writing some of the stuff after the jump. Man, I really hate the Titans.
****Unless you're into laughing at squandered physical talent coupled with a big mouth and a complete lack of self awareness. Who am I kidding? That's the best. I need more of it.