I spent late Monday afternoon before the Chargers game at a playground with my daughter. A friend of mine, also there with his child, discussed the results of the opening weekend's football games with me. As we talked, I kicked and punched at the tether ball while keeping a watchful eye on the child. With our armchair analysis completed, my buddy asked if I wanted to play tether ball. Play tether ball? I didn't even know how to play the omnipresent playground game. What were the rules? After a crash course in the nuances of the game we got after it.
My first foray into the tether ball arena could only be described as an unmitigated disaster. For someone who fancies himself as an athlete, I certainly did not look athletic. In my defense, the task of hitting a ball attached to a rope with a quickly changing swing path is not an easy one but it was embarrassing nonetheless. I started to get the hang of it after a couple of games but like I said -- embarrassing.
Later that evening I watched the Chargers play the Raiders and I felt redeemed! These were some of the best athletes in the world and from time to time they simply did not look athletic in any way. As I watched these plays occur I had visions of unflattering GIFs dancing in my head and at the conclusion of the Chargers first win, I promptly submitted my requests to the Bossman. The following GIFs assuaged my anguish over doubting my own athleticism. If you've ever had a moment of doubt maybe they'll help you too.
Let us begin the healing . . .
If you've only seen one GIF this week then this is probably the one. An absolutely brutal display of coordination and athleticism by Taiwan Jones. But let's not leave Marcel Reece out of this either. That pitch was terrible. I offer them thanks for making me feel like a man again.
Poor Marcus Gilchrist. There is nothing more emasculating than being on the business end of a textbook stiff-arm. Darren McFadden is a beast and he just owned the poor Chargers cornerback. But Marcus Gilchrist can still hold his head high. As I remarked on twitter during the game Monday night, I'm pretty sure Darren McFadden has a wallet that says, Bad Motherf**ker.
Initially, I began casting stones at Atari Bigby for not pulling this interception down. But look at that effort! It began on his fingertips but he couldn't quite pull it down. It would have been a phenomenal pick. So what about this play didn't look athletic, you ask? Look at Marcus Gilchrist swiping at the deflected ball. Whoooooosh!
Norv's gonna tear his goddamn rotator-cuff. This actually isn't too bad. I hope I can make a movement like this when I'm 60 years old.
Raiders punter Shane Lechler does great to dig this horrid snap. Athletic. He then gives a nice side step of a full speed Dante Rosario. Athletic. But then the undeniable reality that he's a punter presents itself over the next few tenths of a second and he's swallowed up by Andrew Gachkar and the rest of the Chargers punt return team. Shane Lechler is a punter . . . not that athletic.
I hope you've enjoyed, That Did Not Look Athletic, a weekly installment at BFTB.* It is also my sincere hope that you feel better about anything in your past that made you look like a complete tool.
*While blogging I've found that whenever I proclaim something to be a weekly segment it is generally the kiss of death for the idea. But in this case it all revolves around the GIFs so I think there's a chance for it. And this "athlete" has a few more stories of personal athleticism gone awry.