Ok, so last season was a forgettable one for Charger fans for many reasons. I'm not talking about Philip's 'Worst
Day Season Ever' or allowing ourselves to be beaten by a Running Back who thinks he's a QB, or even assorted meltdowns vs Jets, Chicago, Detroit (insert your personal choice here). Or the ongoing speculation about the mental health and future employability of our Head (and other) Coach/es. There were charges of nepotism in the Front Office. And our most memorable TV highlight was a guy peeing in a bucket.
No, I'm talking about the trepidation we felt when signing on to Bolts From The Blue. Would John Gennaro write that we were going to lose/win/not turn up versus our upcoming opponents? Would it be a single, double or triple jinx with an inward one and a half pike? Would Richard Wade summon hordes of demons to the blog with 5 Minutes of Troll Bait? Would key players be injured purely on the fact that they were mentioned in this blog as being healthy?
The answers to all of these questions was of course YES, but after the jump I'll tell you why I believe this insanity is behind us and give 5 reasons why we can look forward to a great season on Bolts From The Blue.
I'm ranking these reasons from the least to most important, so... I'll start with John.
5. John Gennaro.
I'd probably hang out with John if I lived wherever he does (it's somewhere in Canada, right?). He'd be my sidekick. I think he's a nice guy and would buy the drinks while I ogled his wife/girlfriend. He's that nice. He has a high pitched voice for an adult but don't let that fool you. He can throw down, as evidenced by his ability to stand up to the very tough Steve Adler.
No, what gets me about John is that he allows someone else to write his articles on alternate weeks. Or he has a guy called Mike living in his brain who has never watched football. Maybe both. But I think John has learned his lesson, that the Jinx Article is just that, and that it jinxes the writer most of all. That was proven when John's 2011 season madness came to a head, literally, over the (obvious to most) non firing of Norv Turner, and he now owes us a Hat Eating exhibition par excellence.
John has begun the season ominously by posting what look from the stills to be some kind of Very White Boy In Your Face Rap videos (I haven't been inclined to watch), but I have every faith that when the opening kick off arrives, he will be presenting sane, optimistic and cogent articles for us to enjoy. Kind of the same way I have faith the Chargers will live up to their talent and sweep the division.
4. Richard Wade
I like a healthy dose of arrogance with my sarcasm, so Richard is fine by me. I Initially thought 5 Minutes Of Hate was named for what the reader felt towards Richard when reading one of his articles but I've since been informed that this isn't the case at all. It's much longer than 5 minutes. But I imagine Richard to be a jolly kind of guy, quick with a smile and a hoot around the office with his harmless practical jokes. Not evil at all.
I don't know much about Rich (can I call you Rich) except that I think I think Dick Wade would be a great name for a comic book hero. Or a porn star. What is beyond question is that
Richard's Dick's (can I call you Dick) football knowledge is second to none, and he can usually counter your seemingly well thought out argument with a simple but biting comment about hitting the Reply button. Now that's my kind of blogging.
I have no idea what Richard looks or sounds like. I do not want him to make a video. It may include dead guys.
3. Those Other Guys.
By which I mean Wonko, cranium (hands up who sees creanium and goes oh ok that cranium guy), Orz, Zach, jkvandal, SDBM, oh and someone called Dave. Pretty sure I've left somebody out. You know, the guys that actually write about the game.
These guys know their stuff. Or at least act like they do. While Gennaro is filming himself being a public nuisance and Wade (Dick) is cackling with evil laughter, these guys are doing the hard yards by collecting information and facts about the Chargers, compiling them into impressive tables and pie charts, and presenting them to us dear reader in a manner which makes them think we are buying it.
These guys are the engine room of our blog, sweating over statistics and video analysis, combing the rumor mill to bring you the latest and most concise information about our football team. They are the elite of their craft.
They won't be fazed at all by the fact that a casual fan from a distant land beat most of them in last season's Pick Em contest.
In his rookie year.
4. Your 2011 Divisional runners up, the 8-8 San Diego Chargers.
Entertainment, that's why we are here, and these guys have it in bucket loads. If the bucket isn't already full of kicker's urine.
I'd be writing like John Gennaro if I said the Chargers were going to have the season of their lives, because I wouldn't mean it. And I'd be trying to make it happen with a double jinx and writing that they will stink. But they will be as entertaining as a train wreck (cue
There will be glory and despair, tears and laughter, and brave men will put their finely tuned bodies on the line for the ultimate prize. And that's just in my living room. On the field, who the heck knows what will happen. It's the goddam Chargers.
5. The Fans
That's you and me, buddy. The lifeblood of this blog. While the writing staff are forming their own Cuckoo's Nest, you and I will be patiently waiting to add our own superior wisdom and insight to the nefarious goings on concerning this football team. It's the only kind of wisdom that matters, that of the true fan.
So, when our first fumble of the season is recovered by the opposition and danced into the end zone, I'll be here. To Fire Sapnos! When our premier draftee is arrested for drunk driving, I'll be here. When our Head Coach shows no fire after yet another implosion, I'll be here. When we suddenly decide to play to our ability and humiliate the vaunted Ravens et al, I'll be here.
And I'll be here with Bacon.
* If you have been offended by anything contained in this article, well - good. You probably deserve it.