The Jets Offensive Line: Not Athletic - Jeff Zelevansky
The Chargers traveled to MetLife Stadium last Sunday and, in ugly fashion, stole a game from the reeling New York Jets. When bad teams mach-up in late December, it's never pretty.
That Did Not Look Athletic is a weekly series where we look at some of the least athletic plays during the previous week'sgame. This series is meant to give us a few laughs by showing that even the best athletes in the world have their moments of shame. It's also a reminder that you aren't a complete loser just because you punched at a tether-ball and fell down in front of a bunch of 3rd graders.
This is the part of TDNLA where I share a personal anecdote with you the reader. But, quite frankly, I'm not feeling up to it. I spent Christmas day on my parents' couch wrapped in a plush blanket from Costco. It was sad. It was uninspiring. It was . . . athletic? God no.
I feel as though I have cleansed myself of nearly every un-athletic moment in my life and I have nothing left to give. The process has been cathartic for me and I am offering you the opportunity to share your stories so that you too may reach a state of nirvana. Share your soul at firstname.lastname@example.org. Seriously. I need material.
Let the TDNLA begin!
Spin moves are the best. It's Madden on Sega while you neglect to study (cram) for your finals. There was a time when you would choose to be the Buffalo Bills so you could be Thurman Thomas, and you would casually joke about leaving your helmet on the sideline and then BOOM! B-Button! B-Button! B-Button! Thurman would spin like a motherf*cker and he was off to the races. Ah, the good ol' days.
Joe McKnight is garbage but he puts a nice move on Shaun Phillips here. Is that Shaun Phillips? I'm not sure. The shoes fit, but not the body type. I guess it was a good job of containing the runner. B-Button!
Remember the 2005 season? The Chargers went to Foxborough and crushed the Patriots but couldn't manage to put anything together and they failed to make the playoffs? No? You don't remember that? What about when Drew Brees' shoulder done got mangled in the last game of the year? You remember that? Right, right! That's how most people recall the 2005 season, but not me. I think of Quentin Jammer absolutely mugging guys. Kind of like the above GIF.
Is Q a safety next year?
You now how people say, "I've said it before and I'll say it again . . . (witty whatever inserted right here) . . ."?
The answer is yes because you've heard me say it before. Many times. I tend to say it in reference to Mike Scifres with frequency. It goes something like this: "I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you're going to buy a jersey get a Mike Scifres #5. The guy will be punting in San Diego until 2022."
Man, I love* Mike Scifres. The guy has had an amazing season. So much so that his groin is tired from the work. Real tired.
*It's not lost on me that I just said, "I love MIke Scifres.", after a GIF in which he is touching his private parts.
Life is so chock full of transitory moments that it's nearly impossible to keep track of .001%* of them. Life's moments happen and then they're gone into the recesses of the mind. You would think that the day I joined Twitter would be one such moment, but it's not. I know the exact date I posted my first tweet: April 25th 2009. The reason I know this? I started tweeting so I could follow the NFL draft more closely. It was the day AJ Smith reached for an OLB from tiny Northern Illinois University, named Larry English. My mom went to NIU so I thought that was kind of cool but I had hoped the Chargers were going to draft Michael Oher. In hindsight, having a tackle would have been pretty great for the 2012 Chargers.
I feel bad for Larry English and his lack of success as an NFL linebacker. He seems like a genuinely good fellow and I wish him well in whatever he does.
*I play fast and loose with statistics to substantiate random opinions.
I have two small whipper-snappers at home and I often feel like a chicken with its head cut off while supervising them. Now imagine how Cro' feels! I wonder if he's ever had all of his kids in the same room at one time. Probably not. All jokes aside, I imagine that would be the tougher road to hoe.
On a side note, I can't stand Antonio Cromartie. But you know what? He's really good. I watched the game on Wednesday and I rarely saw him. Nothing went to his side of the field. Except this one play. Which I enjoyed. Because I can't stand Antonio Cromartie.
This is one of the worst looking plays I have ever seen. Athletic? Nay! But does it look any worse than when Philip throws the ball away by grounding it into the pocket? Does it look any worse than a Philip Rivers roll-out and misfire into traffic? I say no. No fumble. No interception.
No. No. No. No. What am I saying? No! This play looks horrible. This is not the answer!
It's Raider week. Hooray!
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