Two Minutes of Hate: Denver Broncos

Justin Edmonds - Getty Images

Tebow was so easy to hate and made the Denver Broncos a worse team. Why did he have to leave the AFC West?

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%#*& the Denver Broncos. Seriously.

How dare they trade away Tebow? I can't even begin to explain how much easier life was when we had Tim Tebow to kick around. And I was so sure they were going to be stuck with him after that fluke playoff victory last year. The only redeeming quality* of the Broncos' success last year was that I thought it meant that anchor was going to be tied around the franchise's neck for at least the next three years. Such disappointment.

Tebow not only guaranteed that the Broncos weren't going to be an elite team. He guaranteed that they wouldn't even be trying. His absence from the division is truly a tragedy for Chargers fans.**

Now instead of the lowly Tebow we're presented with Peyton Manning. He's the first great quarterback the Broncos have had since John Elway retired***. Peyton is certainly easier to hate than Tebow was (at least in my opinion). Perhaps you find his stupid commercials charming or you just really despised Tebow. But for my money it's easier to hate a guy that is actually good at football (when he plays for the opposition anyway).

The Chargers seemed to have Manning's number when he was in Indianapolis, but we're talking about small sample sizes and I'm more inclined to think Manning is historically great and that his poor showings against the Chargers were merely statistical noise****. Granted, Manning can't seem to throw the ball as far or with as much zip as he did in his prime, but his prime was "arguably the greatest football player of all time" so even with a substantial drop off we're talking about a guy that's still pretty damn good and I struggle to express how loathsome I find that quality in non-Charger AFC West player.

Far be it from me to wish harm on anyone, but Peyton Manning would be a lot less annoying as an ESPN or NFL Network analyst than he is as a player. Also, retirement would free him up to do even more commercials which I suspect are secretly his true passion in life.

It's my experience that most people aren't very intelligent, so allow me to issue a second disclaimer before I start in on Broncos fans as a group: not all Denver Broncos fit the following description.

Broncos fans are hilariously misguided morons. They are consistently the least informed sports fans I have come across (with the exception of MMA fans many of whom shouldn't be allowed outside). Watching them root for Tebow last year not just because he's the guy they were stuck with but because they actually believed in him was incredible. It was as if they didn't understand what they were watching at all. It was both funny and sad, though mostly funny.

Near as I can tell their leader is that guy that wears a barrel and that makes sense if you think about it. Why are they so stupid? Maybe it's the altitude. Yeah, let's go with that.

*Also the Steelers lost. I hate the Steelers way more than I care about the Broncos.

**At least we still have Matt Cassel through the end of this year. Enjoy it while it lasts, Chargers fans. It could be a long time before we have anything this beautiful again.

***He looks less like a horse than John did, though, which makes it tough to accept him as the "face" of the franchise. He's a slower white Bronco than Elway, at least, so the O.J. Simpson joke works better than it did (even if that joke is now older than some of our readers).

****I'm also a horrible pessimist, so your mileage may vary.

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