Two Minutes of Hate: Buffalo Bills

by Richard Wade on Dec 9, 2011 3:22 PM PST in BFTB Editorials

The Buffalo Bills in all of their glory.

Oh, the Bills. The Buffalo Bills. Can we start by pointing out that this is easily the stupidest team name in all of professional sports? It may actually be the dumbest name in all of sports, but I'm going to limit my declaration to the pros to stay on the safe side. Let the Bills act as a reminder to other would be sports teams to not allow their name to be chosen by a naming contest lest they, too, be undone by their own version of Michael Doucas*.

Now, you might be thinking, "isn't that more of a reason to pity the Bills than to hate them?" I'd argue that it's not. If you're looking for reasons to pity the Bills, I would direct your attention to their four consecutive trips to the Super Bowl with zero rings to show for their efforts.**

I will grant that their stupid-ass team name isn't a great reason to hate them, but for great reasons we need to enlist the "help" of Chris Berman. I give you, "circle the wagons." I can't hear that tired line without wanting to put my fist through the television and I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels this way. Michael Doucas and the idiots who let him name the team couldn't have known that Berman would curse us with that line, but I submit that they should have known what they were doing was wrong and that even the unintended consequences would be sufficiently horrible.

On a more personal level, Fred Jackson's season-ending injury derailed my fantasy team and I think we can all agree that this was pretty inconsiderate of him and by extension the entire Buffalo Bills franchise. I even picked up C.J. Spiller thinking he might help, but he's been absolute garbage. If any Bills fans reading this would like to make amends you can feel free to chip in toward refunding my fantasy league's $20 buy-in.

Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Buffalo stole away Buddy Nix from my beloved San Diego Chargers and I can't help noticing that their drafts haven't been as good since he left. And even with Buddy at the helm, they still suck enough that I'm worried they'll lose to San Diego this weekend further damaging their draft position. So, I have to ask, "what was the point? Was this purely an attempt to damage the Chargers?" I feel like it almost certainly was and I'm not sure what we did to deserve it.***

Finally, what's the deal with playing half of their home games in Toronto? Just move already and please petition the NFL so that the games you played there are contested under CFL rules, so at least then there would be some novelty in watching your pathetic excuse for a team.

*Thank you to Wikipedia. F**k you to Mr. Doucas.

**Scott Norwood.

***I'll bet it was Crean's fault, though.

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The part about sending me money isn't a joke. Make it happen, Bills fans.

Follow @RichardWade

Bolts from the Blue // "At least when Wade is spewing vitriol he does so with an intellectual flair." - insanebolt21
Bloody Elbow // "I think we're poking fun at Leland's 'boner.'" - Michael Fagan

by Richard Wade on Dec 9, 2011 4:12 PM PST reply actions

They probably eat their french fries with mayonnaise.

Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play

by Axion on Dec 9, 2011 4:34 PM PST reply actions 1 recs

wannabe/poor man's canucks

by Lenny Suckerpunch on Dec 9, 2011 5:27 PM PST up reply actions

I like how one person ended up here after searching "CFL."

Follow @RichardWade

Bolts from the Blue // "At least when Wade is spewing vitriol he does so with an intellectual flair." - insanebolt21
Bloody Elbow // "I think we're poking fun at Leland's 'boner.'" - Michael Fagan

by Richard Wade on Dec 9, 2011 6:21 PM PST reply actions

boy were they disappointed

to find out this wasn’t about lightbulbs.

by Lenny Suckerpunch on Dec 9, 2011 7:57 PM PST via mobile up reply actions 1 recs

lol

rec

Dielman on Rivers: "I've tried to get him to say s--- or f--- and all he'll ever do is say, 'Golly gee, I can't do that."
Bolts from the Blue

by Superduperboltman on Dec 10, 2011 9:55 AM PST up reply actions

I almost made that joke.

Follow @RichardWade

Bolts from the Blue // "At least when Wade is spewing vitriol he does so with an intellectual flair." - insanebolt21
Bloody Elbow // "I think we're poking fun at Leland's 'boner.'" - Michael Fagan

by Richard Wade on Dec 10, 2011 7:19 PM PST up reply actions

A Buffalonian Response

About the name, it’s way better than the names they had before. “Buffalo Niagaras?” “Buffalo All-Americans?” Thanks, I’ll take the Bills.

About Chris Berman, every team has stupid things they say. I won’t even bring up a chant for a team named after an aircraft, because it makes me want to vomit. Point is, what is nauseating for other teams is endearing for your team. It’s all just perspective.

About Buddy Nix, um, thank you. He has been a far better GM than we have had recently.

About your fantasy team, I’ll pay you your $20 when you send me $100 for the damage Rivers has done to my team.

About playing games in Toronto, we’ve played 4 games there ever. It was a 5 year deal, playing one game in the Rogers Centre per year. They wanted to see if there would be any Canadian NFL interest, and I can tell you there isn’t. Nobody likes the Toronto games. No team will start there, and definitely no team will move there.

Sincerely,

Frustrated and Down-trodden Lifelong Bills Fan.

by TimEllis on Dec 10, 2011 7:03 AM PST reply actions

I realize it’s all in fun, but there’s my two cents.

by TimEllis on Dec 10, 2011 7:17 AM PST up reply actions

thanks

For being a good sport. Many of us can sympathise with being down-trodden and frustrated. Last year we could blame it on special teams. This year thy’ve played lousey on offense and defense. No excuses, we just plain suck this year.
My only problem with the bills is the game a few years ago when the officials prevented the chargrs from reaching the playoffs with 3 bogus P I calls on third down and NOT calling a flagrant P I when the chargers were driving for a potntial game winning score, rsulting in an intrception/ game over. But, that was the NFL, not the bills. They (NFL) didn’t want the chargers to possibly be in the superbowl being played in San Diego. Would have cost them money.

by irishlad on Dec 10, 2011 11:57 AM PST up reply actions