As a Charger fan I feel like the passerby of a train wreck – I know I shouldn’t look, but that fallen part of my humanity causes me to want to see the carnage. It was torturous watching that Monday night game, and there was a constant sense of foreboding that something bad was going to happen (every time we got inside the Chiefs 40!). This team in particular finds new ways to surprise you (mostly bad), but I just can’t enjoy it.

This must be what a drug addict feels like – you know this thing is killing you (being a fan of the Bolts), but you just can’t quit. In a way I envy the fans of the bottom dwelling teams that are never expecting a win, but sometimes are surprised when they get one. All we ever hear is about the Chargers POTENTIAL, but that is wearing very thin. Now even the one player we could count on in the past to be consistently good (Rivers) is having a bad year. That fumbled snap when victory was within our reach was like taking a bite out of a dog crap sandwich. Hard to swallow and it left a terrible taste in your mouth!

I’ve tried to lower my expectations and trick myself into saying I expect them to lose every game, but it just doesn’t work. I’m a Chargers fan – I want them to win! I expect them to win! Every year I hope this is the year they win the Super Bowl. My wife suggests that I DVR the game (which I do), wait until it is over, check the score on the internet, and then watch the game knowing the outcome in advance (which I don’t do). It would be less stressful, better for my health and blood pressure, better for my marriage (and my neighbors), and more enjoyable over all.

But I just can’t do that. I’m a fan, and I want the full experience of the fan (in HD) with all the highs and lows, living and dying with my team. This year has been especially painful so far, but no rehab for me – I’m hopelessly addicted.