Two Minutes Of Hate: Bye Week

Fire Norv!!! Weddle sucks!!! Bring back Lorenzo Neal!!! RUN MOAR!!! 4-3!!! (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

Two Minutes of Hate is meant entirely in good fun and if you manage to be offended you're probably an idiot.

So, it's the bye week in San Diego and I'm left with no opponent to hate. However, the editorial calendar tells me I'm still required to hate something. That something, dear reader, is you. Well, not you personally* but you my fellow Chargers fans. Now, I don't really hate all of my fellow fans. I only hate the ones that call into talk radio shows, comment on SignOnSanDiego.com or try to speak to me about the team in person*. And while this is a minority of Charger fans, the depth of my hate for them is rather unhealthy**.

What, you might wonder, is it about this particular segment of the fan base that inspires such feelings? It's a lot of different things, but mostly it's the way they parrot the inane talking points of the Paul Mahans*** and Chris Ellos of the world while ignoring any and all facts that contradict them.

Fans who only watch the game once in real time while following the ball on every play can't possibly have informed opinions about the play of individual linemen (be it offensive or defensive), but you better believe that won't stop them from having incredibly strong opinions about the play of individual linemen. If I never have to explain to another Chargers fan the value Luis Castillo brings to the defense again it will be too soon.**** I've actually heard people claiming that Vaughn Martin has been better than Castillo. I wish that was true, but if you've watched both of them play you know it's not even close.*****


Many of these fans are the same people who think that if the Chargers would just run the ball more they'd win more. Much like in the case of mistaking Martin for the superior defensive end, they will point to statistics that "prove" their case. "Look, you guys, when we run X number of times we're undefeated." Congratulations, geniuses, on letting us know that you don't understand statistics any more than you understand football. I apologize in advance that I can't comprehend this for you, but allow me to explain to you what's happening here. Teams run the ball more in the second half of games in which they're already winning in an attempt to keep the clock moving to escape with a victory. This logically results in teams having more rushing attempts in games they win than in the ones they lose (where they would be throwing more in the second half because they are behind). Winning leads to running. Not the other way around. You're welcome and please don't talk to me any more.


Next week, we'll return to hating our mutual enemies. Until then, if you don't have something intelligent to say, don't say it to me.

*Well, some of you. You probably know who you are and if you don't you're dumber than I thought I hate you more now.

**I hate them almost as much as Jodi Paranal hates our own Steve Adler.

***Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton

****Seriously guys. Why do you think Shaun Phillips and Antonio Garay are so much more effective when he's playing?

*****If you quote their tackle counts to me I'll probably ban you.

 

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